The kids and I went to another photo shoot the other day, at my sweetie’s place of business. We were posing for still photos demonstrating the use of a new product of theirs, but this time we also did video. For this we had to perform the following actions:
unlock a combination lock on a small box,
open the box,
hold up an object,
place the object in the box,
close the box,
lock the combination lock,
then reverse the whole thing.
Not so difficult, right? And yet we each had to do it several times. That was partially so they’d have plenty of material to work with, and partially because we did something wrong every time. I mean, not hugely wrong, but maybe we’d unlock the combination awkwardly, or forget to hold up the object before placing it in the box. The videographer wanted everything done just so, and there were so many things I was trying to remember, it seems I forgot at least one of them every time.
…
I went to a meeting last Thursday, with several other homeschool moms. It was the first meeting to plan the graduation ceremony for our seniors, and I was a little anxious about it. It’s not that I’m having trouble with the idea of my girl graduating, although I’m sure that will play into my emotions over the next several weeks.
But no, I was just nervous about this meeting. I’ve never attended a homeschool graduation ceremony, so I’m not entirely sure what to expect. And between all the moms and all the girls, there were a lot of opinions, and a lot of conversation about a lot of details. And it had been a very difficult week, and I sometimes have trouble in chaotic situations with strangers (introvert that I am) which several of them were.
So my goal for this meeting was twofold: to begin the process of understanding what I need to accomplish for graduation; and to not show any of the anxiety or overwhelmsion* I was feeling. I didn’t want to seem testy or irritated.
* {I know: “overwhelmsion” is not officially a word.
I made it up. But it works, so I keep using it.}
According to my daughter, I did fine. She knows me, and knew that this meeting was going to take some effort on my part, and she said she couldn’t tell at all that I was stressed. Success, right?
Instead, I somehow managed to thoroughly confuse one of the moms ~ the only one I am already friends with, by the way ~ when I tried three times to explain a suggestion I had made. I was so focused on staying inwardly calm, and getting all the information I needed to bring home to my husband, that my communication suffered.
…
Everything worked out fine. But the two experiences left me wondering how often ~ probably several times a day ~ that God feels the same way about me. That I did a lot of things right, and yet there was still something wrong. “Excellent job, My child, but next time try it without the worry.” Or, “Thank you for serving your family. But I’m still waiting for you to do it with less pride.”
I think every day, as a Christian, feels like two steps forward, three steps back. It’s not, of course. A sincere heart goes a long way, and we’re closer to Him every day if that’s truly our desire. I believe that.
But I also believe that if I had a way to hear into heaven, I’d hear a lot of “Cut! Let’s take it from the top!” So tomorrow, with His help, I’ll do just that.
~ “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Light Expectations 